Code Switching and Neurodivergence: Why You’re So Damn Tired After Work

When most people hear “code switching,” they think of someone navigating language, cultural, or racial differences to meet so-called “professional” standards. Those standards often really mean white, white-collar workplace norms. Code switching is an exhausting approach to social or job settings, and can be draining and isolating. It doesn’t just apply to language and culture, though. If you’re neurodivergent, code switching can also mean contorting your tone, facial expressions, and behavior all day long just to fit into a neurotypical world.

If you’ve ever found yourself changing your tone of voice, rearranging your face to try and look more focused, or sounding like a LinkedIn robot in meetings but then crashing hard the minute you're alone, you know exactly what I’m talking about. That exhaustion isn’t an indicator of failure. It’s the cost of constantly monitoring yourself and masking, and it takes a big toll.

What Is Code Switching for Neurodivergent Folks?

In its original context, “code switching” refers to the way people shift their language, dialect, or behavior depending on the social group they’re interacting with. In neurodivergent spaces, especially for folks with ADHD or autism, code switching also includes adjusting or suppressing neurodivergent traits, behaviors, or ways of communicating in order to appear more “normal.”

That might look like:

• Forcing eye contact even though it feels unnatural
• Laughing at jokes you didn’t find funny so you don’t seem “off”
• Pretending to follow long, meandering meetings when your brain checked out ten minutes ago
• Trying to process and speak more quickly than you’d prefer
• Holding back stimming behaviors, fidgeting, or taking breaks so you don’t look “unprofessional”
• Translating your natural way of speaking into something more polished, more filtered, more... neurotypical

This kind of code switching is part of masking. And masking is one of the biggest (and most invisible) sources of burnout for neurodivergent professionals.

Code Switching, Autism, and ADHD

Neurodivergent people are used to the messaging, sometimes explicitly and sometimes through social consequences, that their natural way of being is “too much,” “too weird,” “too disorganized,” or “too intense.” If you have ADHD, autism, or AuDHD, you’ve probably learned how to water yourself down in lots of areas of life, including office settings.

So you show up buttoned-up and over-prepared. Perfectionism and people-pleasing start to run the show. You do things like…

• Practice your talking points so you don’t ramble.
• Hyper-focus on sounding confident but not abrasive, honest but not blunt, enthusiastic but not childish, etc.
• Try to guess what people want from you
• Constantly scan the room for any signs that you need to readjust your behavior
• Get through the day with fake smiles.

You might constantly be asking yourself things like, “Am I coming across the right way?” and “Will they think I’m flaky if I say I need to reschedule?” On top of all that, you still have to devote energy to your job. By the end of the day, you’re completely drained.

That inner noise is exhausting and unsustainable, but it’s not your fault. You didn’t choose to spend half your energy managing perceptions. You learned to do that to survive in systems that weren’t designed for you.

Why Neurodivergent Code Switching Leads to Burnout

Neurodivergent burnout isn’t just about being overworked. Pretending to be someone you’re not and constantly performing a version of yourself you hope will fit in better leads to chronic stress. That’s what ultimately causes burnout.

There’s a big difference between adapting to your environment and abandoning yourself. Adapting is something we all do in different situations. It’s a flexible, resilient skill that helps you adjust to new environments or life changes. Abandoning yourself, on the other hand, happens when you consistently override your needs, instincts, and natural way of being to avoid rejection or judgment.

While masking might help you stay under the radar and feel safe, it doesn’t help you thrive. It makes you feel disconnected and inauthentic. It chips away at your self-worth. Eventually, it makes you assume you don’t belong. 

So What Do You Do About It?

You aren’t just going to be able to stop masking tomorrow. Some parts of your world will likely always you to show up in ways that feel unnatural. You might not be able to stim openly in a board meeting or turn off your filter entirely during a client presentation. And that’s okay. The goal is simply to start noticing where code switching is costing you more than it’s protecting you.

Here’s where you can start:

1. Notice when you’re doing it

Just like with almost any challenge you want to overcome, awareness is the first step. Start paying attention to the moments when you feel yourself shift. When are you most likely to suppress your natural responses? What situations feel most draining? Who do you feel safest being yourself around?

2. Build in decompression time

Code switching and masking take energy. Give yourself recovery time. That might mean blocking off time after meetings to reset, going for a walk, taking several deep breaths, taking a sensory break, or even just lying on the floor doing nothing for 15 minutes.

3. Challenge the internalized shame

If you’re likely many of my clients, you have a lot of internalized and even subconscious shame about being “wrong” or “too much.” Start questioning that. Who taught you that you needed to be different than you are in order to be acceptable? What if that was never actually true? What might it look like to push back against that idea?

4. Create pockets of safety

Maybe you can’t unmask at work. However, can you find one colleague, one friend, or one space where you don’t have to twist yourself into someone you’re not? Those little moments of authenticity add up. They help you reconnect with who you are at your core.

5. Work with a therapist who gets it

This stuff is deep. It’s tied to your past experiences, your nervous system, your self-image, and your survival strategies. Working with a therapist who understands neurodivergence can help you unlearn the shame and coping mechanisms you internalized to find safety. You get to build a version of your life that’s sustainable.

Code Switching Isn’t the Problem. The System Is.

You aren’t broken, weak, or an imposter. You’re responding exactly how anyone would in a world that demands conformity over authenticity.

You weren’t born to mold yourself to a version of you someone else expects. You deserve more than just getting through the day. You deserve to be seen, known, and supported for your full self. 

If you’re tired of the performance and ready to explore what a more authentic life could look like, I’m here to help. I’m a coach and therapist for millennial professionals with anxiety and neurodivergence. My clients are people who want to break free from coping mechanisms and behaviors that don’t serve them anymore. They want to find better balance in their lives. Curious about working together? Book a free consultation with me right here to learn more and see if we’re a good fit.