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Idaho, Iowa, Des Moines
If you’ve ever felt like the world wasn’t built for the way your brain works, you aren’t imagining it. Autism is a protected disability under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA), but discrimination still happens every day. Some of it is blatant, but most of it is subtle, quiet, and easy to dismiss until it starts to feel normal.
As an autism therapist and coach who works with millennial professionals navigating neurodivergence and anxiety, I know how heavy this can feel. It’s not just stress. It’s the constant pressure to mask, to fit into neurotypical norms, and to push yourself until you burn out. Understanding what autism discrimination really looks like and how it shows up at work and in everyday life can help you figure out what to do about it.
Discrimination related to neurodivergence happens all the time (I wrote about ADHD discrimination too). Autism discrimination happens when you’re treated unfairly, excluded, or penalized because of traits tied to being autistic. Sometimes it happens when coworkers, classmates, or even friends think they’re being “helpful” while reinforcing harmful stereotypes. It can look like:
Because these biases are baked into our culture, many autistic adults end up thinking they are the problem instead of realizing that the system is discriminatory. These systemic problems can chip away at your confidence and make you question your belonging and self-worth.
Austism discrimination can make you feel excluded, undervalued, and misunderstood. You might feel like you aren’t taken seriously or like you have to fight twice as hard to do tasks that might seem easier for others. Here are some common ways autism discrimination shows up in the workplace:
Autistic employees are often labeled as “not leadership material.” Communication differences, sensory needs, or difficulty with small talk can be misunderstood as a lack of people skills. Instead of being recognized for problem-solving, creativity, or innovation, autistic professionals are sidelined by others’ internalized (and false) biases of what “professionalism” looks like.
Workplace culture often revolves around unspoken social rules: casual conversations, happy hours, group lunches, chats in the hallways or at each other’s desks. If you struggle with these norms or opt out because of sensory overwhelm, you may be seen as unfriendly or “not a team player.” Over time, this exclusion can make you feel isolated and disconnected from your team.
Direct communication, asking clarifying questions, or skipping small talk might be seen as rude or cold. On the flip side, stimming, pacing, or needing extra time to respond can be seen as distracting or unprofessional. The truth is, “professionalism” is a concept rooted in white supremacy culture and harms a lot of people who don’t fit inside the white, male, neurotypical, upper-middle-class box.
Bright lights, noisy open offices, or strong smells can be unbearable for autistic employees. But requesting changes is often seen as too much or high maintenance. When sensory needs aren’t accommodated, it becomes harder to do your job effectively and comfortably.
Comments like “you don’t seem autistic” or “everyone’s a little autistic these days” may seem harmless to the speaker, but they’re invalidating and dismissive of someone’s identity. They downplay real struggles and reinforce stigma.
Autism discrimination doesn’t just exist at work. Social spaces can be just as alienating.
Autistic people are sometimes excluded from social gatherings or made to feel like they’re too much or too intense. Struggling with small talk, avoiding overstimulating environments, or preferring deeper conversations can lead others to assume you’re antisocial or uninterested. That can lead to fewer interactions and invitations from others, increasing feelings of “otherness.”
Autistic traits are often misunderstood in dating. Directness can be labeled as bluntness, sensory needs as being picky, or stimming as strange. These judgments make it harder to feel safe being authentic with potential partners, leading many autistic people to mask even more.
From being stared at for stimming in public to being told to “calm down” when overwhelmed, autistic adults often experience discrimination just for existing. Sensory overload in restaurants, stores, or transit is rarely accommodated, and reactions from strangers can range from dismissive to hostile.
Social and workplace discrimination reinforces the message that autistic people need to conform to neurotypical norms in order to belong. Over time, this can fuel deep shame, loneliness, and exhaustion from constant masking.
Because autism traits are often mislabeled as personality flaws (like being aloof, rigid, or unmotivated) many autistic adults carry the weight of feeling broken or defective. That shame makes it harder to advocate for accommodations or even to believe you deserve them.
This creates a shitty cycle: you mask to fit in, push yourself past your limits, burn out, then blame yourself. It’s exhausting, and it’s not your fault.
Autistic people bring enormous value. When workplaces and social spaces fail to include autistic people, everyone loses.
Discrimination and stigma can make it feel like autism is only about challenges, but that’s never the full picture. Many autistic traits are also incredible strengths, even though they’re often ignored or dismissed in environments that only value neurotypical norms.
Some common autistic strengths include:
Recognizing and embracing these incredible strengths isn’t only empowering for you as an autistic adult. They benefit every community, workplace, and relationship you’re part of.
Having to deal with autism discrimination sucks, but advocating for yourself can give you back agency and empowerment that society might have stripped away. Here are four ways to do that.
If you have a diagnosis, you’re entitled to reasonable accommodations under the ADA. These might include:
The Job Accommodation Network (JAN) is a free resource that can help you identify useful accommodations and figure out how to request them. A therapist or coach who specializes in neurodivergence (like me) can also help you figure out how to navigate this process.
Keep a written record of discriminatory incidents. Save emails, take notes after conversations, and track patterns. Having documentation makes it easier to show what’s really happening if you decide to bring the unfair treatment to light or share your experience with HR, a supervisor, or another support resource.
Connecting with other autistic or neurodivergent communities can help you feel less alone and provide both validation and language for your experiences. Local or online support groups can also give you space to process discrimination and share strategies for handling it. When you need additional support, therapy offers a safe place to work through what’s happening, untangle the shame that discrimination creates, and make a plan for moving forward. Talking with a therapist who understands autism and anxiety can help you feel more grounded and supported.
Not every workplace or social space will change. If a job or relationship refuses to accommodate you, sometimes the most self-compassionate choice is to leave. That decision can bring up difficult emotions like grief, anger, or a sense of lost identity, so having support during the transition can make it easier to move through with balance. If you choose to stay, get clear on what would make the situation sustainable and how you want to advocate for those changes.
Autism discrimination can make you feel like you’re always swimming upstream.
If you’re tired of masking, burning out, and blaming yourself for systems that weren’t designed for you, autism therapy and coaching can help. I work with neurodivergent millennials who want help finding better balance in their lives. If you want to learn more or are curious about working with me, I’m in your corner. Reach out to set up a free consultation and see if we’re a good fit.
No matter what, know that you aren’t broken, and you don’t have to keep hiding who you are just to get by. Community and spaces that see your strengths, honor your needs, and value your presence are all possible for you. You deserve to find them.
Danielle is an anxiety therapist and perfectionism coach. She specializes in helping busy millennials dial down their anxiety and ADHD, so they can perform at their best. Danielle has been featured on Apartment Therapy, SparkPeople, Lifewire, and Now Art World. When Danielle isn't helping her clients, she's playing video games or spending time with her partner and step children.
Helping millennial professionals dial down anxiety and stress, so they can perform at their best.
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