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Idaho, Iowa, Des Moines
If you’ve ever spiraled after a message from your boss, rewritten an email six times to make sure it sounds normal, or wondered why every job feels like it’s quietly killing your soul, you’re not alone. And if you’ve had a hunch you might have ADHD or autism (and maybe gotten diagnosed), you might fall under the very real, very valid umbrella of AuDHD.
AuDHD is what the neurodivergent community refers to as the overlap between autism and ADHD. Although it’s not an official diagnosis in the DSM-V, it’s a lived experience that makes a lot of sense for many of us. Especially if you’ve spent your life trying to act “normal,” doubting your worth, and feeling like getting through daily life is an uphill battle.
If you’re part of the late-diagnosed, the self-diagnosed, and the “holy shit, this explains everything” crowd, you’re in the right place. Let’s get into what AuDHD looks like, its impacts on adults, and how to start coping with it in a way that actually works for you.
AuDHD is a shorthand term used to describe people who are both autistic and ADHD, whether formally diagnosed with both, self-diagnosed, or somewhere in between. It recognizes that autism and ADHD are not opposites (despite what old-school diagnostic checklists might suggest), but often deeply interconnected.
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) used to say you couldn’t be diagnosed with both ADHD and autism. That changed in 2013. In fact, some research suggests that around 80% of people with one also have the other.
Just like with all types of neurodivergence, autism and ADHD involve differences in attention, sensitivity, and regulation. Outdated views of ADHD maintain that there’s a lack of attention, but in reality, ADHD brains actually take in way more information than neurotypical brains, which leads to overstimulation and sensory processing challenges.
Autism is falsely associated with rigidity and lack of social awareness. However, people on the autism spectrum also take in a ton of sensory information, and are often extremely attuned to their environments and people around them. Both ADHD and autistic brains tend to get overloaded by sensory input and confusing cultural stigmas about their “wrongness.”
Autism and ADHD share more similarities than differences, especially when it comes to sensory sensitivity, executive function, emotional regulation challenges, feeling like an outsider, and social burnout. Here are 9 shared experiences of AuDHD:
If you were a kid in the '90s or early 2000s, chances are nobody caught your neurodivergence. Girls, AFABs (assigned female at birth), talented or gifted children, and anybody who wasn’t the “typical” hyperactive boy bouncing off the walls often got completely missed.
Instead, you might’ve been labeled:
You probably learned to mask early, meaning you figured out how to suppress or hide your natural behaviors to make others (and yourself) more comfortable. (This usually leads to people-pleasing later.)
You tried to follow the rules, even if they made no sense and were irritating.
You internalized criticism when you couldn’t meet expectations that were never designed for your brain.
And because of how children’s brains are wired, you naturally assumed the problem was you.
That’s why so many people don’t get diagnosed with autism or ADHD until adulthood, and why late-diagnosed AuDHD folks often carry a heavy mix of shame, confusion, and grief. My clients often spent years – maybe decades – feeling like broken weirdos instead of realizing they’re completely valid neurodivergent humans in a world that never made space for them.
Whether you’ve just heard the word “AuDHD” for the first time or you’ve been lurking in every late-diagnosis subreddit and TikTok thread for months, you don’t need a doctor’s permission slip to start understanding yourself.
Yes, a formal diagnosis can be helpful, especially for accommodations, but it’s not the only path to clarity, healing, or self-acceptance. Plenty of people figure out they’re AuDHD through self-reflection, community stories, and the slow (sometimes painfully slow) realization that all those struggles weren’t moral failings. They were symptoms no one recognized.
Here’s what you can do next if this is all starting to resonate:
Traditional medical sites can be useful, but they can also be cold, clinical, and full of outdated bullshit that doesn’t reflect lived experience.
Instead, look for resources created by neurodivergent people who understand what it’s like to live with autism and ADHD together. Follow neurodivergent voices on social media. Read blogs, books, and forums. Listen to podcasts. Let yourself connect the dots without judgment.
A few places to start:
If you’re AuDHD, there’s a good chance you’ve spent most of your life telling yourself you’re “bad at adulting,” “too sensitive,” or “not trying hard enough.” You’ve probably internalized other people’s irritation with your executive dysfunction or social fatigue as evidence that something is wrong with you.
But…
You're not lazy. You’ve been operating in an environment that doesn’t meet your needs.
You're not flaky. Your brain just doesn’t run on linear timelines.
You’re not bad at relationships. You’re likely burnt out from masking or overwhelmed by unclear social rules.
You’re not failing. You’re just learning to understand yourself in a whole new way.
You deserve compassion. Since compassion often accompanies understanding, your internal self-critic is likely to get quieter slowly, and over time, as you do the work of unlearning these old narratives.
Once you realize how much of your life has been spent masking, it’s tempting to want to burn it all down: quit your job, cancel all meetings, and never respond to another text message again.
Honestly, fair.
But unmasking is a process, not a performance. It’s okay to do it slowly, in safer relationships first. Start by noticing where you’re putting on a persona, over-accommodating others, or censoring your real thoughts. Ask yourself: “Is this me, or just the version of me I think people want?”
Try experimenting with:
Each time you show up a little more authentically, you’re signaling to your nervous system that you’re safe.
Not all therapy is created equal. If you’re exploring late-diagnosed neurodivergence or wondering if you’re AuDHD, you’ll want to work with someone who doesn’t just pathologize your behavior or try to “fix” your executive dysfunction with productivity hacks.
You deserve neurodiversity-affirming care. This type of care understands that masking is trauma, that perfectionism is survival, and that you’ve already tried harder than most people can imagine.
Therapy or coaching with someone who gets AuDHD in adults can help you:
If you’re not ready for therapy yet, that’s okay. Find community. Join a Discord group. Attend a neurodivergent peer support call. You don’t have to do this alone.
Coming into an AuDHD identity can bring up a ton of feelings: relief, clarity, empowerment, sadness, anger, grief.
Grief for the years spent not knowing.
Grief for the version of you that tried so hard to fit in.
Grief for the help you didn’t get.
Grief for the burnout you blamed yourself for.
Let that grief be part of your healing rather than something to push away. Grief is a powerful part of the human experience, and trying to bypass it will backfire. Let yourself feel all the hard things. You get to write the next chapter with a whole lot more self-understanding and self-compassion.
If you’re a millennial who’s spent your life wondering why everything feels harder than it should, welcome to the club. You’ve been surviving in a system that wasn’t built for your brain. And you don’t have to keep doing it alone.
I work with neurodivergent adults who feel anxious, burned out, and frustrated by how hard everything is. My clients want to find more self-awareness, more boundaries, and more balance. If that resonates with you, I’m here to help. You can reach out to learn more or schedule a free consultation for 1:1 online AuDHD therapy or coaching.
Danielle is an anxiety therapist and perfectionism coach. She specializes in helping busy millennials dial down their anxiety and ADHD, so they can perform at their best. Danielle has been featured on Apartment Therapy, SparkPeople, Lifewire, and Now Art World. When Danielle isn't helping her clients, she's playing video games or spending time with her partner and step children.
Helping millennial professionals dial down anxiety and stress, so they can perform at their best.
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