Growth Mindset for ADHD and Anxiety is Hard. Here’s Why You Should Build One Anyway.

If you’ve been navigate life with neurodivergence and anxiety, you’ve probably had moments (or entire seasons) where trying to believe in your own ability to grow felt like a cruel joke. Maybe people have told you to “just try harder” or “stay positive,” and it only made you feel worse. You might already be working so hard just to function, let alone grow.

Growth mindset sounds great in theory, but for neurodivergent folks, it can feel like one more thing you don’t do well enough. 

But having a growth mindset doesn’t mean being endlessly optimistic or pretending things are easy. It means learning to approach yourself with more curiosity than criticism, and giving yourself permission to try, to stumble, and to keep going.

This mindset can help reduce anxiety, ease shame, and build resilience, but it’s not easy. Especially if perfectionism, self-doubt, overthinking, executive function challenges, and burnout are part of your daily life.

So let’s break it down.
In this post, we’ll cover:

• What a growth mindset is
• Why it’s especially challenging for people with ADHD and anxiety
• How perfectionism gets in the way
• Practical ways to start building a growth mindset that actually works for your brain

What Is a Growth Mindset?

The term “growth mindset” comes from researcher Carol Dweck. It refers to the belief that your intelligence, skills, and abilities aren’t fixed or stagnant. Instead, they’re skills you can develop and grow through effort, persistence, and feedback.

A fixed mindset says:
“I’m either good at this or I’m not. If I fail, that means I’m not capable.”

A growth mindset says:
“I can get better at this. Mistakes are part of learning.”

One of the factors that influence which type of mindset we have as adults is the beliefs we have about who we are and how we fit into the world. These beliefs are formed from our experiences, which date back to childhood and are continually added onto like a Lego set as we age and develop.

Our society’s biases and lack of understanding about neurodivergence can mean growing up in a harsh, critical world. If your experiences tell you that failure is bad and you get punished or shamed for it, you aren’t going to be jumping into new activities with a beginner’s mind. You’ll probably avoid new things (or at the very least be really anxious engaging) because the pain of not being good enough outweighs the joy of learning something new. 

What the Research Says About Growth Mindset and Resilience

Psychologist Carol Dweck has done decades of research on how our beliefs about ourselves impact the way we handle setbacks. Alongside other colleagues, she’s found that when people believe their abilities can grow with effort, support, and practice, they’re much more likely to keep going when things get hard.

Here’s what stands out from the research:

• A growth mindset builds resilience. When you believe you can improve – slowly, messily – you’re more likely to try again after setbacks instead of shutting down. Being more likely to embrace and even welcome challenges is how you cultivate resilience, the ability to persist in the face of setbacks or adversity.
  
  
• Your environment matters. Mindset isn’t just about what’s in your head. Supportive people, safe spaces, and systems that meet your needs are what teach you that you can make changes to your beliefs safely and with room for mistakes. Hyper individualism is romanticized in America, but we need safe community and a sense of belonging in order to navigate the world.
  
  
• It’s all learnable. Growth mindset isn’t some magical trait you either have or don’t. Just like with any other skill, it’s something you get to practice. Mindset interventions (even simple ones) have been shown to help people feel more motivated, less stuck, and more able to take on challenges.

Why Growth Mindset Feels So Hard with ADHD and Anxiety

Growing up with undiagnosed or unsupported ADHD often comes with a steady drip of negative feedback: You’re too much. You’re not enough. You’re not living up to your potential.

If you’re a perfectionist (which many people with ADHD and anxiety are), growth mindset can feel like a foreign language. You’re used to seeing things in black-and-white: I did it perfectly = success. I made a mistake or didn’t understand = failure. It’s a lot of pressure.

All of this keeps you in survival mode. When you’re in survival mode, your brain and body prioritize safety. That might look like procrastination, avoidance, people-pleasing, or shutting down. Over time, your brain starts to equate effort with danger. The process of trying and failing and trying again stops feeling like an experiment. It feels like proof you’re falling short. 

The rigid thinking that stems from hypervigilance makes it really hard to sit with the nuance of learning and progress. Growth mindset requires you to trust yourself, especially in the messy middle. And that’s hard when your anxiety tells you you’re falling short or doing something wrong.

So if you're struggling to genuinely believe you can grow, you're not alone. This isn’t about “just changing your thoughts.” It’s about gently and slowly rewiring deeply held beliefs that probably formed as a way to protect yourself from criticism, failure, or shame.

How to Build a Growth Mindset (Even If You’re a Perfectionist with ADHD)

1. Be a messy beginner.

You’re allowed to be new at something. You’re allowed to struggle. Acknowledge that your anxiety voice is going to panic when you begin, and then let yourself be a messy-ass beginner anyway. Talk to that voice. Say, “I hear you, and I know this is scary. We’re going to do it anyway. I’ve got you.”

Try one thing that feels uncomfortable but low-stakes: a hobby, a creative project, a conversation. Let yourself stumble. And then remind yourself: This is growth. I’m doing it.

2. Let the anxiety in.

When anxiety arises (and it will), can you get curious about it? Most of us immediately panic and do everything in our power to push that sensation away – dissociate, numb, avoid, spiral, keep ourselves busy.

All of that is normal. Try to simply notice when the panic sets it, without judgment. And then when you judge yourself anyway (which you will), try to go back to the sensation of curiosity. Can you simply feel that anxiety, feel the heat and the constriction and the jaggedness in your body? It’s uncomfortable, yes. Learning to let it be there is hard, but it can help you feel safe in the thick of those sensations.

3. Celebrate effort.

ADHD brains often have a hard time recognizing progress unless there’s a shiny result at the end. Start keeping track of effort-based wins, not just outcomes, like:

• Starting a hard task
• Following through on something you usually avoid
• Being kind to yourself
• Getting curious about your emotions

You might use a habit tracker, journal, or voice memo. The point is to build a pile of evidence that effort is meaningful, even when things aren’t perfect.

4. Get support that’s designed for your brain.

Building a growth mindset doesn’t mean pushing yourself harder. This only amplifies your nervous system’s hypervigilance. Building and leaning on systems and supports that help you feel safe enough to take risks decelerates that hypervigilance. 

That might mean:

• Working with an ADHD-informed therapist
• Asking for accommodations
• Creating structure with accountability, like body doubling
• Using tools that work with your brain, not against it

The more support you have, the more capacity you’ll have to explore, try, and grow.

Growth Is Allowed to Be Messy

You don’t have to wait until you feel ready. You don’t have to believe in yourself 100% of the time. You just have to be willing to stay curious and keep showing up for yourself.

Your version of growth won’t always be neat or linear. It might involve spirals, pauses, and false starts. But it’s still growth.

If you want to explore how to:

• Take perfectionism out of the driver’s seat
• Relate to your struggles with more compassion than shame
• Build resilience in a way that fits your life

I’m here for it. Get in touch to set up a free consultation and see if we’re a good fit. With me, you can show up as you are, messy and imperfect and growing.